I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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