Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
