I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
