Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
