Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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