This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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