the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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