My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
