Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
