Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize
