i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
