apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
