Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
