im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
