fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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