Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
