wanna go halves on a baby?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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