I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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