Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize