We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
