she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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