My hand turned me down
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is Oprah even human
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
