I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
