That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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