You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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