They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
