My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
