You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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