On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
