About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There's a naked man in my car right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
