I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize