then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
