I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
