we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How naked do you want me to be?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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