Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
