You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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