she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
