so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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