Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
