I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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