it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize