the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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