How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
