She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You pole danced in your parka.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
