fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You have to summon your inner elephant
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
