I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
