bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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