Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
