i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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