I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
