That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
