I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
