i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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