Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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