hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
