I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
