I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
