I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
