Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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