He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize