I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
