so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
