how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
