I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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