I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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