I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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