we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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