I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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