U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize