i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
should my penis look like a turkey
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
