is your mom at the bar?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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