please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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