We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
