Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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