I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
