They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
