you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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